Number 8 - They hate freedom

If this section is to be believed then we, as British people, love the idea of laws, well we do, that is correct, but then who wouldn't? If it weren't for laws then everyone would be able to carry a gun and shoot people who have wronged them in some way - oh no wait, that's America isn't it?


Apparently we dish out ASBO's (anti social behaviour orders) to anyone who we think deserves them, as we can't tolerate the idea that they are free to do whatever they want, well let me ask you a question Mr Grasse, would you put up with seeing an elderly couple being abused by a group of teenagers day in and day out because they are "free" to do whatever they want? No, thought not.

Number 7 - They cut off the head of William "Braveheart" Wallace

At this point in the "book" I have to admit I was doubled up with laughter, Mr Grasse claims that the Hollywood movie Braveheart shows an accurate portrayal of the life of Sir William Wallace, it is in fact complete fiction, it's based on a poem by a 15th century minstrel called Blind Harry "The Acts and Deeds of Sir William Wallace, Knight of Elderslie" which has been rejected by historians as hogwash.
It's true that William Wallace was executed in the most barbaric and shameful way but then, just remind me how, a lot of the indigenous peoples of the Americas died?

Number 6 - They relish collecting taxes

The basis for this argument seems to be that when William the Conqueror assumed the throne of England in 1066 he set about collecting taxes. Well for a start William the Conqueror was French and was known as William the Bastard in England, so this surely means that the French relish collecting taxes and not the British?

Apparently because of this we pay taxes now, but it was the Egyptians who first came up with the idea of taxes, and anyway, the first taxes paid in England were during the occupation of the Roman Empire some 10 centuries before William the Conqueror was even a twinkle in his mother's eye.

Number 5 - They adopted a Roman as their Saint and blamed past misdeeds on a giant lizard

It is true that England has Saint George as its patron Saint (Scotland has Saint Andrew, Wales has Saint David and Ireland has Saint Patrick), but then so do plenty of other places including Aragon, Catalonia, England, Ethiopia, Georgia, Greece, Lithuania, Palestine, Portugal and Russia, as well as the cities of Amersfoort, Beirut, Fakiha, Bteghrine, Cáceres, Ferrara, Freiburg, Ljubljana, Pomorie, Preston, Qormi, Rio de Janeiro, Lod, Barcelona, Moscow, Tamworth and the Maltese island of Gozo, so are all these places the same as England?

So does America have a patron Saint? Well, no, not really, this is because the entire country has never had an official religion, although some states did originally have one. The Catholic church has never been prominent enough in American history to give the entire country a patron saint. Protestants don't give as much importance to saints as Catholics, so the religious community would not be unified on the idea. Or in other words America has too many separate religions to be unified in the idea of a patron Saint. It has been suggested in a few places that the Virgin Mary is the patron Saint of America, if this is the case then that means a woman who told everyone she never had sex yet strangely became pregnant with and indeed gave birth to Jesus, how's that for a fairy tale?

Number 4 - They tried to drag Christ to London

I don't really know where to start with this one, apparently because of the lyrics of a song that is occasionally sung at a few football (not soccer - that is a nickname for the game of football and comes from the original name "association football") matches, this is proof that the British have assumed that Jesus came to Britain, well, Mr Grasse is correct, there is no proof that Jesus came anywhere near the British Isles, but then there is no proof Jesus even existed.