Number 24 – They make good men into butlers, and butlers into slaves

It was all going so well, I thought this book might be getting more accurate with the previous chapter, but then, Mr Grasse goes and ruins it again.
Butlers were – and indeed are – thought of very highly, both by the people the serve and by the people who serve under them (basically they are managers of a household). They are well paid for the work they do and are much loved.
To give the example of Paul Burrell at the end of this chapter is foolish, as any British person knows he is scum, he has besmirched the good name of the Royals with his lies. He was called to the inquest into the death of Princess Diana and, in his words "told the truth as far as I could – but I didn't tell the whole truth. Perjury is not a nice thing to have to contemplate. I was very naughty.", this caused the coroner, Lord Justice Scott Baker, to warn the jury by saying "You have heard him in the witness box and, even without what he said subsequently in the hotel room in New York, it was blindingly obvious that the evidence that he gave in this court was not the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth."

Number 23 – They hooked the Chinese on opium

I'm not going to argue with this one, Mr Grasse is correct (23 chapters in and he's got one right!), one point he doesn't say is that because of this the Chinese felt humiliated, which caused the Taiping and Boxer Rebellions and ended Dynastic rule in China.

Number 22 – They make time for tea

The whole basis of this argument is that the British take up to an hour for a tea-break, again, I'm happy to say that this is not the case. As a nation we take less breaks that the rest of Europe, and also work longer hours than the Americans (UK=44.4 hours USA=40 hours). Just to clarify, we have lunch-breaks not tea-breaks. Also Mr Grasse to say that because of this “ritual” (I think you'll find it's the Japanese who have a tea ritual) we wouldn't be carrying an extra fifteen pounds around our waistline is stupid, after all, which nation is the fattest? That's right, the USA wins again.
Just a couple more points you ignoramus, scones do not get dipped into tea as they are cakes, and cookies is an American word, the proper word is biscuit. Fool.

Number 21 – They conceal their caveman past with false histories

I have two problems with the statement above, firstly “caveman”, cavemen did not exist anywhere, let alone Britain. I presume Mr Grasse means Neanderthol or Cro-Magnon and the latest they existed (in the UK) is about 30,000 years ago, so, wrong again Mr Grasse. Secondly “false histories”, the British were known for making up stories, in much the same way every culture has, these are stories not histories.
The last point in this chapter is that the Chinese were building “a wall so big you can see it from the moon”, really? Ask Neil Armstrong if he saw it, no he didn't as you can't see it from the moon, there are only two man-made things you can see from the moon and they are The Netherlands and Fresh Kills (the rubbish dump on Staten Island, New York).

Number 20 - They believe in dragons, sea monsters and other creatures

Mr Grasse states that the British believe in a large and imaginary fish called a Leviathan, rubbish, the Leviathan was mentioned in both the Bible (Old Testament) and in the Hebrew Bible, but the name came to mean nothing more than a large whale, and there are plenty of them about.
The “fact” that the British put fanciful monsters on their maps is – as far as I can find out – not true I can't find any British maps with these monsters. I can, however find plenty of Icelandic examples, but no British ones. I'd love to be proved wrong on this, if anyone has any please let me know.
In the last paragraph Mr Grasse says that while we were worried to go too far into the unknown the Spanish and Portuguese explorers blazed across the seas. It's true to say that the Spanish and Portuguese did discover many new lands, but when they got there what did they do? Wiped out most of the indigenous cultures that's what.
While I'm on the subject of mapmakers, it is often quoted that America got it's name from an Italian mapmaker called Amerigo Vespucci. This is most probably not the case, it was actually the Welshman Richard Amerike. The reason it doesn't seem plausible that it was named after Amerigo Vespucci is that it if people had places named after them, it would be their surname, rather than their forename that was used.
After doing more research on this topic I have come across a story about a passenger ship called the Mauretania, in 1934 a series of articles appeared in the highly respected newspaper The New York Times stating that the crew of the Mauretania had numerous sightings of sea serpents, this, of course, was a lie perpetrated by both The New York Times and the reporter T. Walter Williams, but, it seems that most of the people in the USA who read the reports believed them. So just remind me Mr Grasse, which nation believe in fictitious sea serpents?

Number 19 - They spread the plague with their bad hygiene

There are so many inaccuracies in this section I barely know where to start.

Firstly the “Black Death” most probably began in Central Asia (where it still exists to this day)

Secondly the plague was caused by a the bobac variety of mormot, which passed it onto the fleas of the brown rat.

Thirdly between 75 and 100 million people died because of the plague not 35 million as stated by Mr Grasse.

Fourthly hygiene cannot, did not and will not spread the plague, if it did why did so many people die in areas where there were (comparatively) few rats, this was because the fleas travelled in cloth that was transported to these areas.

Lastly “lathering up with soap and water” as Mr Grasse condescendingly puts it would not stop the disease, the only way people can survive the plague (or more correctly the bubonic plague) is by targeting the infection with antibiotics (aminoglycosides streptomycin and gentamicin, the tetracyclines and doxycycline and the fluoroquinolone ciprofloxacin) and as antibiotics weren't available until at the 1890's, that's 540 years too late for the poor unfortunate people that died.

Number 18 - They dawdle the hours away with cricket, among other foolish games

Don't make me laugh Mr Grasse, the "foolish games" you list are card games like bridge and whist, backgammon, darts and other "pub games", what about poker? Is that a foolish game as well?
As for cricket, without it you wouldn't have baseball, which, by the way was an English invention (it was first mentioned in an English book from 1744 called "A little pretty pocket-book".

Number 17 - They enslaved the globe to get their tea fix

It's true that the British East India Company made a lot of money from tea but also from cotton, silk, indigo dye, saltpetre, and opium. It's also true that they were responsible for some horrific acts, however lets not forget what America's favourite drink was before the British put tax on it, that's right, tea, the only reason coffee is as popular today in America is because tea was so expensive.

To say that we "enslaved the globe" is a rather large exaggeration, but the British East India Tea Company, as I said earlier, did indeed do some terrible things, almost as bad as the white folks of America did when it came to cotton, almost a hundred years after us with the tea industry, you really should have learnt from our mistakes America.

Number 16 - They demean "primitive" culture in the Americas

For this part of the book after the heading I could see no evidence that the British actually do demean "primative" culture, all Mr Grasse says is that as a stoneage people we were not as sophisticated as some other cultures across the globe, this is true, we weren't, but to say that Stonehenge or the Cerne Abbas giant were "shamefully useless projects" is complete rubbish, and to claim that it was only the British that did such things is a also a lie. There are over a thousand examples of stone circles In Western Europe (including the British Isles) and some as far afield as Hong Kong.

The date Mr Grasse gives at the start of this particular diatribe (200 BC) is also incorrect as nobody knows exactly when these structures were built however there are no examples dating after 1500 BC, so, I'm sorry Mr Grasse but you are at least 1300 years out. Do your research, I have.

Number 15 - They tried to measure and control the universe through science

This section is ignorant and arrogant to the extreme, firstly an apple did not fall on Newtons head, he observed an apple falling and this gave him the idea for his law of gravity which is still correct to this day.

Newton created the worlds first practical reflecting telescope and discovered that white light is in fact composed of all the colours of the spectrum.

Micheal H. Hart (a Jewish American astrophysicist) wrote a book listing the top 100 most influential persons in history. Newton came second behind Muhammad and in front of Jesus, Buddah and Confucious.

Newton was, and indeed still is one of the greatest scientists ever, just ask any scientist.

Number 14 - They took the Christ out of Christianity

Catherine of Aragon, Henry VIII's first wife was not sterile, in fact she gave birth to at least 5 children (only one survived into adulthood) and was pregnant many more times than that, she and Henry were married for 20 years before Henry applied to the Pope to have the marriage annulled. He was originally granted the annulment by the Archbishop of Canterbury (the Pope's representative in Britain) on the grounds that Catherine was originally Henry's sister-in-law,and therefore the marriage was illegal, the Pope however refused, but this was more likely because he was scared of Catherine's nephew (the holy Roman Emperor Charles V), but by that time it was too late and Henry had married Anne Boleyn, so rather than face a long legal battle he probably would not win he decided to separate Britain from the Roman Catholic Church and created the Church of England.
Anne Boleyn was not "bulldog-faced" at all, in fact by all accounts she was a very attractive and well educated woman (perhaps too attractive as this is what led to her demise).
As for the fact that the Anglican Church (really called the Church of England) is still around 500 years later, this is true, but, where did Mormonism start? Or for that matter Jehovah's Witnesses? That's right once again, America!

Number 13 - They support piracy

Mr Grasse starts this section by saying "well not piracy exactly" so in other words the British don't support piracy! Make your mind up Mr Grasse.

In actual fact the basis of this argument is that Queen Elizabeth (the first - just to let you know Mr Grasse, as you left that bit of information out) issued a "letter of marque" to certain sailors, let me just say that this is completely true, it did happen (but then so did just about every other seafaring country in the world).

A letter of marque is now illegal in all but one country, can you guess which one? That's right America, as it is written into the Constitution.

Number 12 - They burned Joan of Arc at the stake

This again is true, in fact Mr Grasse is spot on "we" did, nowadays the trial wouldn't have gone to court, as there was no evidence against Joan, even the clerical notary Nicolas Bailly, who was commissioned to collect testimony against Joan, could not find any. It is right and fitting that she had a retrial (after her unfortunate execution) and found to be innocent of all charges. The execution even upset the executioner, Geoffroy Therage, who later stated that he "...greatly feared to be damned".

One point I have to make though, if Mr Grasse had done his research properly he would have known that the "arrow" (actually a crossbow bolt) she was stuck by, was in the leg (not the shoulder) and that this happened in 1429 (not 1428).

*EDIT* Having done some more research into this I have found that it was the French, not the English that executed Joan of Arc, and, I hate to tell you this Mr Grasse but it was not for heresy as you claim, but for cross-dressing. It turns out that the French captured her, then, sold her to the English for a ransom, but the English persuaded a French ecclesiastical court to bring charges of heresy against her.


After eight terrible months in which she was brutally beaten and raped by her captors she was brought before the French judge Pierre Cauchon who found that the most serious charge against her was cross-dressing as it was an “abomination unto the Lord” (Deuteronomy 22:5).

It was right that she was given a retrial, and that she was found innocent of all charges but, for the sake of correctness Mr Grasse, please do more research before you go to print otherwise you may well sound like a racist bigot.

Number 11 - They rewrote the Bible

I agree with this point, King James I did indeed have the Bible rewritten to make it more readable for the time, but then looking into the history of the Bible you can find numerous rewritings dating back to Moses in the early 1400's BC.
The Bible is still being rewritten today so that present day people can understand it's teachings, but one point I have to make, if you are a Mormon, Jehovah's Witness or a Christian (or indeed any denomination thereof) then you should know that the bible was originally a Jewish text, therefore surely the Jewish faith is the one true faith?
Just to add to this I, myself am an atheist so to me the Bible is not a great read.

Number 10 - Their Country Has Too Many Flags And Too Many Names

Apparently Britain has too many names just because we are made up from 4 different countries, similarly America is made up from 50 different states and 4 commonwealths and is known by 6 different names (The United States Of America, United States, the U.S., the USA, the States, or America).


Also each British country has it's own parliament, ministerial authority, and flag. Similarly each state in America has it's own government , police force and indeed flag, so that's 4 flags for us and 50 flags for the U.S. Oh, and the reason Wales was left off the Union Flag is because it was a principality and not a kingdom, however there have been talks to create a new flag that includes Wales.

And just one other point Mr Grasse the national flag for Britain is the Union Flag, not the Union Jack as you call it, it is only called the Union Jack when it is flown from the bowsprit of a ship.

Number 9 - They think Kings and Queens are better than the rest of us

From this section Mr Grasse shows how stupid he actually is, he seems to think that because it is written into the Constitution that "all men are created equal" that in America everyone is equal, not true, just take a look around you, are you equal to the President? If so why do you pay the President $103450000 every year (Salary: $400,000/yearly, Secret Service Protection: Undisclosed, but upwards of $100,000,000/yearly for the incumbent president, $3,000,000 yearly for the rest of their lives for each former president and his wife, Expense Account: $50,000/yearly)? That works out to be almost twice the amount we pay for the Queen, who, it has been calculated, actually brings into the country 20 times what she earns thanks to tourism. Now that's what I call value for money.

Number 8 - They hate freedom

If this section is to be believed then we, as British people, love the idea of laws, well we do, that is correct, but then who wouldn't? If it weren't for laws then everyone would be able to carry a gun and shoot people who have wronged them in some way - oh no wait, that's America isn't it?


Apparently we dish out ASBO's (anti social behaviour orders) to anyone who we think deserves them, as we can't tolerate the idea that they are free to do whatever they want, well let me ask you a question Mr Grasse, would you put up with seeing an elderly couple being abused by a group of teenagers day in and day out because they are "free" to do whatever they want? No, thought not.

Number 7 - They cut off the head of William "Braveheart" Wallace

At this point in the "book" I have to admit I was doubled up with laughter, Mr Grasse claims that the Hollywood movie Braveheart shows an accurate portrayal of the life of Sir William Wallace, it is in fact complete fiction, it's based on a poem by a 15th century minstrel called Blind Harry "The Acts and Deeds of Sir William Wallace, Knight of Elderslie" which has been rejected by historians as hogwash.
It's true that William Wallace was executed in the most barbaric and shameful way but then, just remind me how, a lot of the indigenous peoples of the Americas died?

Number 6 - They relish collecting taxes

The basis for this argument seems to be that when William the Conqueror assumed the throne of England in 1066 he set about collecting taxes. Well for a start William the Conqueror was French and was known as William the Bastard in England, so this surely means that the French relish collecting taxes and not the British?

Apparently because of this we pay taxes now, but it was the Egyptians who first came up with the idea of taxes, and anyway, the first taxes paid in England were during the occupation of the Roman Empire some 10 centuries before William the Conqueror was even a twinkle in his mother's eye.

Number 5 - They adopted a Roman as their Saint and blamed past misdeeds on a giant lizard

It is true that England has Saint George as its patron Saint (Scotland has Saint Andrew, Wales has Saint David and Ireland has Saint Patrick), but then so do plenty of other places including Aragon, Catalonia, England, Ethiopia, Georgia, Greece, Lithuania, Palestine, Portugal and Russia, as well as the cities of Amersfoort, Beirut, Fakiha, Bteghrine, Cáceres, Ferrara, Freiburg, Ljubljana, Pomorie, Preston, Qormi, Rio de Janeiro, Lod, Barcelona, Moscow, Tamworth and the Maltese island of Gozo, so are all these places the same as England?

So does America have a patron Saint? Well, no, not really, this is because the entire country has never had an official religion, although some states did originally have one. The Catholic church has never been prominent enough in American history to give the entire country a patron saint. Protestants don't give as much importance to saints as Catholics, so the religious community would not be unified on the idea. Or in other words America has too many separate religions to be unified in the idea of a patron Saint. It has been suggested in a few places that the Virgin Mary is the patron Saint of America, if this is the case then that means a woman who told everyone she never had sex yet strangely became pregnant with and indeed gave birth to Jesus, how's that for a fairy tale?